so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
