alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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