This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
