...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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