i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
