god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
