Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
