THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
