i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
