he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
