I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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