they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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