Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
