Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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