I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
