The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
