I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
