Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
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