At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
