is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
