im drinking this country out of the recession.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
this hospital has no fireball
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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