I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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