This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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