I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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