you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
