I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
