we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
