I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
