So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
