I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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