Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
