girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
