you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
