she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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