I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
