don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
