you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Randomize
