I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
