i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
