we're blogging at a bar
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
