Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
