My liver just broke up with me...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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