I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
