His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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