My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
