I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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