I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
