did you get engaged???
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
