Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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