is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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