he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
