I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
